I thought of you

Respect the power of grief

Her absence is like the sky
spread over everything

Back in the house
I moved on leaden feet
from chore to chore.

The mantle of grief falls on
every hour of the day and
covers me while I sleep.
Will it ever go away?

Finally, a remarkable thing begins
to happen. You notice that for short
periods the hurt is not so great.
This is the beginning of your healing

I thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday,
And days before that too.
I think of you in silence,
I often speak your name.
Now all I have are memories,
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake,
With which I’ll never part.
God has you in His keeping,
I have you in my heart.
A million times I’ve needed you,
A million ties I’ve cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place,
No one else will ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn’t go alone.
Part of me went with you,
The day God took you home.

- Unknown author

Respect the power of grief. Know that it can affect you psychologically, physically, and spiritually in intense and sometimes surprising ways. Stay gentle with yourself.

Remain open to the hurt. You may think it is easier to suppress the pain or avoid it with distractions and busyness. But eventually your emotions will surface; grief will demand your attention.

Cry. Your tears testify to your love. And tears that spring from love help bring healing and renewal.

Stay connected to others. You need their support, presence, concern, their listening, their hugs.

The pattern of your grief is unique, shaped by your particular relationship, specific circumstances, and distinctive temperament. Ignore others’ attempts to tell you how to feel or how long to feel.

Learn from those who have experienced healing after loss. Their survival is reassuring proof that you, too, will endure

Mourn not just for the loss of what was but also for what will never be. And then gently, lovingly let go.

In some ways, you never “get over” a significant loss. It inevitably changes you. You can choose whether that change is for the better.

When you find yourself doubting your capacity to recover, be patient and realize that the grief process, though lengthy, ultimately does bring healing.

Let yourself feel good again, laugh with friends, have fun. Living your life to the full is not betrayal of a memory but fulfillment of a promise to someone who would want only the best for you.

- Excepts from Grief Therapy edited by Karen Katafiasz